Welcome

This is my first blog on this site. As you probably can already see. I have no idea how often I will post here, and have very little knowledge of the subject matter that I will write about. All I know is it will most likely make me seem like I am moaning, or just yelling random song lyrics through the page. But what, in fact, it'll be is me letting out things I need to say. A thought transcribed into here should hopefully be one less thought in the way of me getting on with things, and that's something I need to do. Hanging about, jsut waiting, it's things like that that make my day to day life empty. Not miserable particularly, jsut empty. I am livin g day to day looking at the tiny crck of light trying to fight its way in. I can see it, and it's here, but it's not bright enough to light things up.

I didn't realise exactly that the things I do from day to day are pretty much irrelevant until today, when someone asked 'How was your day?'. The only thing I could say was, "It was just another day". How pitiful is that? Days used to mean something, I used to be able to look back at the day and say that I had a good day, or I had a bad day. This great thing happened, or this crappy thing happened. Now it's pretty much a case of looking back at days and thinking, "What did I do?" I just have time drifitng past now. And with every second I am just existing. There is no Carpe Diem, or however it's spelt, going on. There's loads of things I'd love to do, to getting round to doing etc. But for half of them it's a case of "What's the point?" and for the others it's a case of "What if?".

There's one particular person who I don't know if they'll ever read this as I am not publicising the site. I am not making it private, and I have signed with my name, so if they wanted to find it, they would. I think it's impossible for me to describe exactly what that person does to me, and how much I want to take back the time so it was meaningful again. But for as long as time travel doesn't exist I am filled with regret, and I ache. Or I did. I don't ache anymore as I've said. I just have this emptiness.

I think that's about as much of my self-absorbtion and self-pity that even I can take for now. So congratulations if you made it this far. I am going out for my first activity with a friend since last Wednesday tomorrow, so that should perk me up for a bit.

Talk Soon,
Samuel