I just don't have anything to say. It's really hard to keep this blog active at the minute. Trust me, I want this site to continue going, but as things stand it's difficult. I suppose I'm just a lot better off without the major complication in my life.
Secondly I am in the band proper now, good times, so that's keeping my creativity busy.
Third, I had an early morning conversation earlier this week which really lifted my spirits. I know I was a last resort and it only happened because I was awake too, but that's enough for me at the time being. I'll take whatever the hell I can get. Sorry still doesn't cut it I know, but I want to prove to you that I'm not that person.
All I can think of for now, sorry for being pretty dull. I have just fixed up my MySpace page though if anyone is interested. http://www.myspace.com/sambobgeldof
Samuel
spotify:track:1KXfx4M07gqHbzsebYjtG1
Saturday, 29 August 2009
Saturday, 22 August 2009
Life Is What You Make It
And my resolution from now on is to make it fucking rad. Pub tomorrow night, first official band meet on Tuesday, oh yeah, I'm now in a band... And then haircut on Wednesday and hopefully cinema as well. Should be a good week, and I will meet up with Joe hopefully well into 2 times or so a week and we'll kick this fucking music thing in the arse.
Lots of swearing, sorry. It's what happens when my energy levels go up. And when I listen to Weezer, they are fucking ace.
My last blog was the longest ever, and was a cut down version of a journal entry.
I had to spend £334.95 on a fucking bus pass. Lucky me. It can be used from Sept 1st until July 31st anywhere in the Midlands though, so it's all good.
If you didn't know I am back from Cornwall. I am off to bed to watch some of the millions of things I have to watch.
Strange knowing tomorrow is a Sunday and no work... Strange being unemployed. Ah well, I quite like the freedom, but the lack of structure will get to me eventually.
N'night
Samuel
spotify:track:2AbnpRBmECFZHC98EqO2Jm
Lots of swearing, sorry. It's what happens when my energy levels go up. And when I listen to Weezer, they are fucking ace.
My last blog was the longest ever, and was a cut down version of a journal entry.
I had to spend £334.95 on a fucking bus pass. Lucky me. It can be used from Sept 1st until July 31st anywhere in the Midlands though, so it's all good.
If you didn't know I am back from Cornwall. I am off to bed to watch some of the millions of things I have to watch.
Strange knowing tomorrow is a Sunday and no work... Strange being unemployed. Ah well, I quite like the freedom, but the lack of structure will get to me eventually.
N'night
Samuel
spotify:track:2AbnpRBmECFZHC98EqO2Jm
Wednesday, 19 August 2009
At The Bottom
The following was written August 17th. All words speak the truth of my mind.
I know it's a stupid, maybe strange, way to think but I live my life just waiting for the reactions of others. I always want that glimmer or approval or acceptance. It's particularly difficult to see where it's next coming from when in the past six months I have lost three sources through pure piggishness. The first I left, the second I came to, emotional tension did fill the air, the little touches were electric. But I kept careful and nothing happened as I hadn't left the first yet. I did, then the second became very coy and not interested, She is "pre-occupied" with some guy I don't know called JW now anyway. The third started building not long thereafter. A contrast to the second where I was emotional committing before any reciprocation indicated. It took time to come to fruition, a couple of months really, but it did. Again, a distance away, travelled only the once.
I have no ill feeling toward the first. The second I simply don't understand. The third, being still fresh, can stir up a million emotions all at once. At first I am frustrated, at her, and myself for repeating the second scenario again, and so soon also. I feel foolish for believing I was something to her. I feel confused because I lust for her despite her not being my physical type, and in hindsight, her kindness is not as extensive as first it seemed. I am angry because I poured so much into her, told her how hard I had found things, was still finding things, then she fucked me over. Did I have a target on my head? Did she do it intentionally or was it just bad luck on my part? Did I bring it onto myself? I feel sorry for her because I know she's as shitty at life as me recently. But I despise her too. But I don't. I care too much. I miss her, and never want to see her again. I don't understand my own mind.
The day we first communicated again was also the day I first went to meet my previous girlfriend. Luckily five years space did the job and we can definitely get on as friends.
[section removed]
Back to the point, it's the desire to be truly appreciated, unfortunately I need more than a platonic appreciation. That causes my days to be long. I don't want huge great love affairs, and rampant emotions. I just want the excitement at the prospect of hearing from someone who wants to hear from me. I know who I want that to be.
I think back to my 18th birthday, hasted at a friend's house. I was supposedly in love. I was, just not with the right person. I was on the stairs texting her, loving her, telling her I didn't, telling her I couldn't. Not loving the girl a few feet away I was supposed to. I curse myself for how I treated end-of-the-phone girl. I'd loved her for at least 2 years. My holiday in Wales I spent entirely thinking of her. And she knew. That I loved her at least. I assume she did. Distance, again, fucked me over. If she had been near it would have been fine. Instead I broke my heart, and likely hers. The girl I'm with at the time is the first from earlier.
Truth told, I don't think I truly got past that properly. Of course it was pushed to the back of my mind and thought about as little as possible. But never dealt with. I did love the first, as she fixed me up into some functioning excuse of a human after my disintegration due to end-of-the-hone girl. I always still had a part of me reserved for her though. I want to name her, but as she is taken now it would not be fair.
He's fucking attractive too.
It was her 18th this weekend gone. She is beautiful and happy no longer knowing me. I hate hope, and shouldn't trust it for the pain it has shown me, but I sent her my number, and birthday greetings and she called, twice. The first she hung up before we spoke, the second we had our first vocal conversation, and my spark reignited. I have given her the choice of contact to follow, but I will hear from her again somehow.
I need to. There's no one else to fill this void.
If we call her the fifth then the list goes like this (ex girlfriend - now friend is fourth).
1) Relationship over, wouldn't work.
2) Now taken, still resent a little for ending the first, don't understand her.
3) Still hurts, despise, care too much, has affected me more than the others.
4) A necessary friendship, we are each others crutch right now.
5) Long distance love of old, ILY, phantom tea cake munchers, ironing boards at Morrison's, HOPE.
That last word is dangerous.
I know it's a stupid, maybe strange, way to think but I live my life just waiting for the reactions of others. I always want that glimmer or approval or acceptance. It's particularly difficult to see where it's next coming from when in the past six months I have lost three sources through pure piggishness. The first I left, the second I came to, emotional tension did fill the air, the little touches were electric. But I kept careful and nothing happened as I hadn't left the first yet. I did, then the second became very coy and not interested, She is "pre-occupied" with some guy I don't know called JW now anyway. The third started building not long thereafter. A contrast to the second where I was emotional committing before any reciprocation indicated. It took time to come to fruition, a couple of months really, but it did. Again, a distance away, travelled only the once.
I have no ill feeling toward the first. The second I simply don't understand. The third, being still fresh, can stir up a million emotions all at once. At first I am frustrated, at her, and myself for repeating the second scenario again, and so soon also. I feel foolish for believing I was something to her. I feel confused because I lust for her despite her not being my physical type, and in hindsight, her kindness is not as extensive as first it seemed. I am angry because I poured so much into her, told her how hard I had found things, was still finding things, then she fucked me over. Did I have a target on my head? Did she do it intentionally or was it just bad luck on my part? Did I bring it onto myself? I feel sorry for her because I know she's as shitty at life as me recently. But I despise her too. But I don't. I care too much. I miss her, and never want to see her again. I don't understand my own mind.
The day we first communicated again was also the day I first went to meet my previous girlfriend. Luckily five years space did the job and we can definitely get on as friends.
[section removed]
Back to the point, it's the desire to be truly appreciated, unfortunately I need more than a platonic appreciation. That causes my days to be long. I don't want huge great love affairs, and rampant emotions. I just want the excitement at the prospect of hearing from someone who wants to hear from me. I know who I want that to be.
I think back to my 18th birthday, hasted at a friend's house. I was supposedly in love. I was, just not with the right person. I was on the stairs texting her, loving her, telling her I didn't, telling her I couldn't. Not loving the girl a few feet away I was supposed to. I curse myself for how I treated end-of-the-phone girl. I'd loved her for at least 2 years. My holiday in Wales I spent entirely thinking of her. And she knew. That I loved her at least. I assume she did. Distance, again, fucked me over. If she had been near it would have been fine. Instead I broke my heart, and likely hers. The girl I'm with at the time is the first from earlier.
Truth told, I don't think I truly got past that properly. Of course it was pushed to the back of my mind and thought about as little as possible. But never dealt with. I did love the first, as she fixed me up into some functioning excuse of a human after my disintegration due to end-of-the-hone girl. I always still had a part of me reserved for her though. I want to name her, but as she is taken now it would not be fair.
He's fucking attractive too.
It was her 18th this weekend gone. She is beautiful and happy no longer knowing me. I hate hope, and shouldn't trust it for the pain it has shown me, but I sent her my number, and birthday greetings and she called, twice. The first she hung up before we spoke, the second we had our first vocal conversation, and my spark reignited. I have given her the choice of contact to follow, but I will hear from her again somehow.
I need to. There's no one else to fill this void.
If we call her the fifth then the list goes like this (ex girlfriend - now friend is fourth).
1) Relationship over, wouldn't work.
2) Now taken, still resent a little for ending the first, don't understand her.
3) Still hurts, despise, care too much, has affected me more than the others.
4) A necessary friendship, we are each others crutch right now.
5) Long distance love of old, ILY, phantom tea cake munchers, ironing boards at Morrison's, HOPE.
That last word is dangerous.
Thursday, 13 August 2009
City Song
I am heading to Cornwall for a week from tomorrow, so unless I can get online there my blogs will happen when I get back. I may write some whilst away and then publish when I get back, I haven't decided yet.
My BBQ was good, had far too much to drink, and definitely felt it the next day! I'm also going to be a big boy and finally say what I think, no matter the comeuppance, can't be worse than the other day, hey? And you were true to your word again then too.
I found a couple of new good artists/bands in the last couple of weeks.
Check out Adam Gnade and The Wilderness of Manitoba. Both are easy to find through Google.
Have fun doing whatever non-existent blog readers do!
Samuel
spotify:track:32RQUVtIU7UeHE2O7sQa6z
My BBQ was good, had far too much to drink, and definitely felt it the next day! I'm also going to be a big boy and finally say what I think, no matter the comeuppance, can't be worse than the other day, hey? And you were true to your word again then too.
I found a couple of new good artists/bands in the last couple of weeks.
Check out Adam Gnade and The Wilderness of Manitoba. Both are easy to find through Google.
Have fun doing whatever non-existent blog readers do!
Samuel
spotify:track:32RQUVtIU7UeHE2O7sQa6z
Sunday, 9 August 2009
Forwardirektion:
Finally been to see Harry Potter. And it was alright... Not as good as the fifth film, but better than any of the others. Still not convinced that Daniel Radcliffe is aware he's meant to act though. Also went and got some food. Too much food. I need to stick in a pin in myself to sort it out.
The other big news, is I have finished working for The Midlands Co-operative Society Retail Division. I.e., I no longer heat up bread for them at the weekends. And it ended with one of the best shifts ever, shame Mr Supervisor was in a bit of a grumpy mood.
I am not entirely sure what to do about this coming week. Tuesday, and likely Wednesday will be fine... but tomorrow is her birthday, which isn't great, and then Friday is the first anniversary of my father's death, which will be hard enough, but no one I can talk to about it. I need a girl to talk to things like that about, it's not the same having in depth conversations with boys. I shall be fairly busy tomorrow at least, I just haven't decided what to do about it? Do I message her in some way or not. I don't know. I know she would contact me, but only as she was when we were together. In these five months she's changed a hell of a lot, and not for the better, so she wouldn't contact me now. I don't know. I'll see where it goes.
It's also One Tree Hill day tomorrow. Hoorah.
Apologies for the lack of blogs recently. I'm not sure what's been going on, I've just not had much to say.
Samuel
spotify:track:1Dbk4l6LpYl8q7uKtVhYJF
The other big news, is I have finished working for The Midlands Co-operative Society Retail Division. I.e., I no longer heat up bread for them at the weekends. And it ended with one of the best shifts ever, shame Mr Supervisor was in a bit of a grumpy mood.
I am not entirely sure what to do about this coming week. Tuesday, and likely Wednesday will be fine... but tomorrow is her birthday, which isn't great, and then Friday is the first anniversary of my father's death, which will be hard enough, but no one I can talk to about it. I need a girl to talk to things like that about, it's not the same having in depth conversations with boys. I shall be fairly busy tomorrow at least, I just haven't decided what to do about it? Do I message her in some way or not. I don't know. I know she would contact me, but only as she was when we were together. In these five months she's changed a hell of a lot, and not for the better, so she wouldn't contact me now. I don't know. I'll see where it goes.
It's also One Tree Hill day tomorrow. Hoorah.
Apologies for the lack of blogs recently. I'm not sure what's been going on, I've just not had much to say.
Samuel
spotify:track:1Dbk4l6LpYl8q7uKtVhYJF
Thursday, 6 August 2009
Intensity In Ten Cities
Bored, but still not enough to even SPEAK to me, let alone come visit. How dull must that make me?
Wednesday, 5 August 2009
No Regrets
Apologies for the length of time since the last thrilling instalment of my life, but I have been fairly busy since Sunday night. Pub, zombies, general slaughter, camping and pillaging has taken up nearly all of my time. And as all of that has happened, there hasn't been THAT much time for me to think about anything and so I haven't a lot of thoughts to spill out onto this page. I am incredibly envious of the friendship that two of my friends have with each other, they are incredibly lucky, and I know they appreciate that. Wish I had a friend I could rely on anything for. Instead I tend to deal mostly by myself, or through this, which is again, to myself really.
As I tried to explain to a friend last night (around a campfire, we are the coolest of kids), I am fairly optimistic for the future, in the sense that I think eventually I will work my life out, what I want to do, who I want to be and those sorts of things. Despite that, I am consumed with worry over the fact that maybe, just very maybe, I have spoilt my shot at that, even now that I get thoughts worrying that maybe I didn't try hard enough, and I just gave up on what should have been something. Seems he does the same really, he wants to think the best is yet to come, but worries it's gone.
One of the worst aspects of single life, is not having an interest at all in a girl at any point in time. I mean, right now for example, I am not 'after' anybody. The only person I have met in the past 5 or so months, in fact it's 5 months tomorrow, that I had any attraction to poo-pooed that idea, and since her I haven't met anybody at all that I have an interest in. And whilst I am actually quite content being single at the moment, I still dislike being 100% disconnected from that world.
After only having a few hours sleep the last couple of nights I am very tired, and I am hoping that being back in a real bed will spur real sleep. A full, proper nights sleep would be wonderful.
I think I might pop into town tomorrow afternoon as well, just for a mooch. Take a book, a little bit of money and have a wander. I could probably do with getting a tent, as hopefully we will do the camping thing again.
Right now, I think it is time for One Tree Hill watching, and setting the COD4:MW map pack to re-download since I've been on there again recently. I hope there will be a combi-pack to download all the COD:WAW packs as well, instead of having to spend 3 x £8 to buy them individually.
I am sure it won't be long until I'm back with a big, long, rambling, self-absorbed and very annoying blog. See you on the other side.
Samuel
spotify:track:58DIkrMNO7ChnbU9RBCltp
As I tried to explain to a friend last night (around a campfire, we are the coolest of kids), I am fairly optimistic for the future, in the sense that I think eventually I will work my life out, what I want to do, who I want to be and those sorts of things. Despite that, I am consumed with worry over the fact that maybe, just very maybe, I have spoilt my shot at that, even now that I get thoughts worrying that maybe I didn't try hard enough, and I just gave up on what should have been something. Seems he does the same really, he wants to think the best is yet to come, but worries it's gone.
One of the worst aspects of single life, is not having an interest at all in a girl at any point in time. I mean, right now for example, I am not 'after' anybody. The only person I have met in the past 5 or so months, in fact it's 5 months tomorrow, that I had any attraction to poo-pooed that idea, and since her I haven't met anybody at all that I have an interest in. And whilst I am actually quite content being single at the moment, I still dislike being 100% disconnected from that world.
After only having a few hours sleep the last couple of nights I am very tired, and I am hoping that being back in a real bed will spur real sleep. A full, proper nights sleep would be wonderful.
I think I might pop into town tomorrow afternoon as well, just for a mooch. Take a book, a little bit of money and have a wander. I could probably do with getting a tent, as hopefully we will do the camping thing again.
Right now, I think it is time for One Tree Hill watching, and setting the COD4:MW map pack to re-download since I've been on there again recently. I hope there will be a combi-pack to download all the COD:WAW packs as well, instead of having to spend 3 x £8 to buy them individually.
I am sure it won't be long until I'm back with a big, long, rambling, self-absorbed and very annoying blog. See you on the other side.
Samuel
spotify:track:58DIkrMNO7ChnbU9RBCltp
Sunday, 2 August 2009
Reason to Believe
I seem to be foolhardy in nature. I was looking back today at every moment I have had since my split with my first girlfriend. So that's 5 years ago this October. All romantic negotiations I have had since then, I have always let my heart overtake my head, and admittedly, it paid off once. I found someone else similarly compelled, and that allowed me to fall in love for the first, and so far, only time. However, there have been numerous instances where a twinkle of 'romance' (not the word I want to use but can't think of anything better, mutual attraction just sounded shit) and I have fallen for it, hook, line and sinker, just to have it pulled away as sharply as it arrived.
One led to the end of my last relationship, and I love and hate you in equal measure for that. Here I shall call you 'R' and only you and my ex-girlfriend know who you are, but neither of you will ever read this. You must have known I had always had a soft spot for you, and that day was magical, and you know, I really do think that something good could have happened with us. It wasn't that possibility that caused me to leave the woman I loved, it was that I had WANTED a possibility like that. It would have been unfair to live on in a relationship that had got to the point of not being enough for me. I will always remember Gran Torino at the Odeon, after a day in Cromer, March 4th 2009, and your room-mates, (well all but the one with the curly hair, he didn't like me), with the utmost fondness. I really did have a spark in me then that I hadn't felt in a while.
As goes more recent ventures, I can't explain how sorry I am. I obviously overstepped a mark, I didn't know my place, and I really do mean it when I say there are no hard feelings! I'm a big boy and get on okay. But you are still avoiding me, and I don't like that. In fact, that last line applies equally to 'R'. I wish you hadn't flown away from my radar, we were friends for years, how can that go away so fast?
I have no way of really resolving this, so I shall just leave you with some Dashboard confessional quotes that have stuck out as I listened to them today.
(And Em, 'Stolen' will ALWAYS remind me of falling in love with you, as 'Starcrossed' (Ash) will always remind me of you 'M')
In all honesty, I may have only had 2 serious relationships, but I genuinely think they will stay with me forever. Hopefully Em, in time you can forgive me for, in your words, 'breaking your heart'. I really wish you felt you could even be an acquaintance to me. But I know these things take time, and 'M', I am glad that you are back in my life again, you were a dear friend all those years ago, and our relationship was temperamental to say the least... but by far my fondest memories from being under 17.
I just hate that Peyton Sawyer (yes that fictional character again) wasn't right when she said "People Always Leave", but God knows she was.
"I have reason to believe that I have victories to taste. I can feel them on my teeth, on my lips, and in my chest. I can roll them on my tongue, they are more supple than defeat. I feel the tension in my lungs and every move is fuelled by my resolve to breathe."
Are you strong enough to handle what I need?
And will you carry me there one more time?
No?
At least I have a positive outlook, non?
"Because you will be somebody's girl, and you will keep each other warm. But tonight, I'm feeling cold."
And as I resolve to maybe start thinking before feeling 'next time', I know it's bollocks, I set myself up for this everytime. That won't change. I just need someone who does the same.
spotify:track:2eS5qHLmmXugA1GMq41O42 (Reason to Believe)
spotify:track:6vw1gO0bQyVciHW6YRgRvz (Stolen)
spotify:track:2IY1CxvcUhXiZB34tW1EIC (Starcrossed)
spotify:track:6MvK0nSUy0NH8QfaXQjDA0 (Rooftops and Invitations)
One led to the end of my last relationship, and I love and hate you in equal measure for that. Here I shall call you 'R' and only you and my ex-girlfriend know who you are, but neither of you will ever read this. You must have known I had always had a soft spot for you, and that day was magical, and you know, I really do think that something good could have happened with us. It wasn't that possibility that caused me to leave the woman I loved, it was that I had WANTED a possibility like that. It would have been unfair to live on in a relationship that had got to the point of not being enough for me. I will always remember Gran Torino at the Odeon, after a day in Cromer, March 4th 2009, and your room-mates, (well all but the one with the curly hair, he didn't like me), with the utmost fondness. I really did have a spark in me then that I hadn't felt in a while.
As goes more recent ventures, I can't explain how sorry I am. I obviously overstepped a mark, I didn't know my place, and I really do mean it when I say there are no hard feelings! I'm a big boy and get on okay. But you are still avoiding me, and I don't like that. In fact, that last line applies equally to 'R'. I wish you hadn't flown away from my radar, we were friends for years, how can that go away so fast?
I have no way of really resolving this, so I shall just leave you with some Dashboard confessional quotes that have stuck out as I listened to them today.
(And Em, 'Stolen' will ALWAYS remind me of falling in love with you, as 'Starcrossed' (Ash) will always remind me of you 'M')
In all honesty, I may have only had 2 serious relationships, but I genuinely think they will stay with me forever. Hopefully Em, in time you can forgive me for, in your words, 'breaking your heart'. I really wish you felt you could even be an acquaintance to me. But I know these things take time, and 'M', I am glad that you are back in my life again, you were a dear friend all those years ago, and our relationship was temperamental to say the least... but by far my fondest memories from being under 17.
I just hate that Peyton Sawyer (yes that fictional character again) wasn't right when she said "People Always Leave", but God knows she was.
"I have reason to believe that I have victories to taste. I can feel them on my teeth, on my lips, and in my chest. I can roll them on my tongue, they are more supple than defeat. I feel the tension in my lungs and every move is fuelled by my resolve to breathe."
Are you strong enough to handle what I need?
And will you carry me there one more time?
No?
At least I have a positive outlook, non?
"Because you will be somebody's girl, and you will keep each other warm. But tonight, I'm feeling cold."
And as I resolve to maybe start thinking before feeling 'next time', I know it's bollocks, I set myself up for this everytime. That won't change. I just need someone who does the same.
spotify:track:2eS5qHLmmXugA1GMq41O42 (Reason to Believe)
spotify:track:6vw1gO0bQyVciHW6YRgRvz (Stolen)
spotify:track:2IY1CxvcUhXiZB34tW1EIC (Starcrossed)
spotify:track:6MvK0nSUy0NH8QfaXQjDA0 (Rooftops and Invitations)
Saturday, 1 August 2009
Let Go Of Everything You Know
I have uploaded another poem. I don't know if it's any good. It's one I wrote in Malta, again. I think I definitely need to travel at some point after university, just because it's so much better for my creativity.
I need to slow don on the blogging front as well, otherwise I will run out of song titles to use and link to. It sucks that a lot of the ones that sum up perfectly what I want to say, aren't on Spotify, so I don't use them.
Work tomorrow, going to try and convince little sister she wants to give me lifts to the pub quiz as well. Could be easier said than done. And hopefully a nice drunken camping night on Tuesday, that would be super. And Meg could get in touch? That way I could have quite an eventful week. Last week was pretty good, but I did everything in the first two days. Need to learn to spread things out.
I bid you adieu for now those of blogland.
Samuel
spotify:track:3n4hK6gk2vNhz5I1th2H9W
I need to slow don on the blogging front as well, otherwise I will run out of song titles to use and link to. It sucks that a lot of the ones that sum up perfectly what I want to say, aren't on Spotify, so I don't use them.
Work tomorrow, going to try and convince little sister she wants to give me lifts to the pub quiz as well. Could be easier said than done. And hopefully a nice drunken camping night on Tuesday, that would be super. And Meg could get in touch? That way I could have quite an eventful week. Last week was pretty good, but I did everything in the first two days. Need to learn to spread things out.
I bid you adieu for now those of blogland.
Samuel
spotify:track:3n4hK6gk2vNhz5I1th2H9W
Palahniuk's Laughter
His little excerpt about the carrot is a little worrying.
But his underlying message about having something discovered, and never mentioned, but always having the fear/worry of it's mention lingering over you was very adept.
Saturday's are really shitty, never have anything to do. That said, it's gotta be better than last night! Lol. But no True Blood tonight. Nevermind.
I'm sure I'll find something to do.
spotify:track:4cpQ7ORCRYxBqzFyPkR4z3
But his underlying message about having something discovered, and never mentioned, but always having the fear/worry of it's mention lingering over you was very adept.
Saturday's are really shitty, never have anything to do. That said, it's gotta be better than last night! Lol. But no True Blood tonight. Nevermind.
I'm sure I'll find something to do.
spotify:track:4cpQ7ORCRYxBqzFyPkR4z3
I Want To Save You
More blog, you lucky beggars.
I think I am going to go to bed now. I don't know if sleep will happen. I will watch the Daily Show and then either put on a film, or Gossip Girl. Undecided as of yet.
And to you, I can accept absolutely everything that happened, except why say "I think I already do [love you]" and words to those effetcs if you didn't mean it? That's the only thing that's bugging me.
Could you please answer that? Please. I will ask again, more directly in a day or two if I don't hear. I jsut need to understand to sort myself out.
Thanks.
spotify:track:6HQsSdHmC31m0ZGv41FWJp
I think I am going to go to bed now. I don't know if sleep will happen. I will watch the Daily Show and then either put on a film, or Gossip Girl. Undecided as of yet.
And to you, I can accept absolutely everything that happened, except why say "I think I already do [love you]" and words to those effetcs if you didn't mean it? That's the only thing that's bugging me.
Could you please answer that? Please. I will ask again, more directly in a day or two if I don't hear. I jsut need to understand to sort myself out.
Thanks.
spotify:track:6HQsSdHmC31m0ZGv41FWJp
Attention
Yes, I am a touch childish, so fucking what. I just don't know me anymore.
May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room
If only, if only for one second
This table has taken a turn for the worse
Rock bottom, and over the edge
Well, it's not like it hurts that much anyway
Upside down and inside out
When I leave here I'm going alone
Well it's not like it, not like it hurts much anyway
Attention, attention,
May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room
If only, if only for one second
Will you hear what I have to say?
Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell
Due to the fact that we could have something that'll never happen
Did you hear what I have to... (say)
This balance has weighed out our heart’s desire
I’m trying to make it alone
Well it’s not like it hurts that much anyway
Upside down and inside out
When I leave here I’m going alone
But I’m dying, I’m dying, to touch
And it’s not like it, not like it hurts much anyway
Attention, attention,
May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room
If only, if only for one second
Will you hear what I have to say?
Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell?
Due to the fact that we could have something that’ll never happen
Did you hear what I have to... (say)
Attention, attention,
Upside down and inside out
Attention, attention,
Upside down and inside out"
I don't think I will bother with bed tonight. I have to get up in less than 6 hours anyway, so what would the point be? I suppose I would escape for a while. Tough shit.
Samuel
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