Let The Distance Keep Us Together

I didn't sleep too well last night, and as such I ended up thinking. And it really did allow me to acknowledge just how bad things have been since August 14th 2008. In that time my father has died, my mother was clearly suffering from depression, me and my girlfriend of just short of 2 and a half years (at the time) have split. If you compare that to any of the previous bad parts of my life, this last 11 or so months comes out as the worst by a long way. So I guess I am in some kind of rut. And I am not entirely sure what to do to pull myself out of it. I tried one way, and that has been pushed back. I am afraid to try another, because there is a tiny bit of string dangling elsewhere that has a much more dangerous ride but will pull me straight out. The other is probably a fairly easy ride, but I'm still going to be somewhere in this well. I am using a well purely metaphorically to represent the rut, I am sure I didn't need to explain that.

It's just hard to know exactly what I am supposed to do here. I always end up thinking of that line from One Tree Hill I moaned about the other day. They say it's easy to walk away from pain. But I have issues with that, you have to have a happy to aim towards. Or what if you are surrounded by shit? Then where do you go? Sometimes it's just too hard to think and work out the path. I need someone to guide me, but for as long as nobody I know has been told about this blog, and about what I feel, then I can't expect anyone to help. It's that again. I want to talk to people about this, and I want to be told it'll be okay. But I was like this when my father died, I don't want to tell people because they will think I am looking for pity, or that my self-absorption is too much. Afraid to pull people close in case we're both norths or something.

Anyway, I had better go, I am supposed to be backing up the computer in the other room as the new one is arriving on Wednesday. there has been no tiler or Argos man yet.... Nevermind

Samuel