The Whipping Haus

This is going to be a bit of a rant plus an insight into my views on religion. So if you're squeamish please look away now.

(PS the song I have linked to is from an album that is SO sexually charged it's untrue)

First things first, I am not a religious person. That is not to say that I am an atheist, I am not going to deny the existence of a God or a 'higher power' as to an extent I think there probably is. There are forces like luck, positive and negative, which I believe are a controlled force. But not by those involved.

I think that one of these powers is taunting me. Looking back at the end of yesterday, I was feeling pretty comfortable, and getting used to the idea, as much as I didn't like it. I hadn't read any literature, or watched anything that focused heavily on vampires since being a teenager and reading the Darren Shan saga. But yesterday I watched the pilot of True Blood, and it really did well in showing the sexualisation of vampires, and the idea of the culture. And I was seduced by the idea, entirely. The idea of a vampire is incredibly sexy, I cannot deny that.

Let us couple this with learning that the thing I want most is unobtainable, for reasons that to be honest, I don't know. Over the last couple of weeks getting used to the idea that I am not going to have this has been quite hard, but I was just about on top of it. And then I see this coupled with the idea of the vampire culture, and I am back to square one, maybe even further back. That sort of desire has just eaten me up all day thus far.

This has reaffirmed my belief that there must be some higher being, and that at some point I have greatly PISSED him/her/it off. Because that was just too coincidental for my liking. It was as though I am meant to suffer.

The rope was dangled, close enough to just get a taste, and then it was pulled out of reach, and then it came back with even more appeal and was dangled in front of me but just too far for me to do anything about it.

Sorry for the long rambling post. Just needed to clarify my own thoughts more than anything else.

spotify:track:7arnZAe1ReZgDtjLz7WY82